It's called social etiquette!

I've said it before and I'll say it again, who the fuck does this pigeon think he is? Labor Day was yesterday pigeon! You think you can just trot around flaunting social norms? What gives you the right? I don't care if it's your natural color. You go with the rest of your filthy brethren and take a long sewer bath. I know you've been itching to join your family in the gutter. But you think that because you're all nice and white and clean looking that you shouldn't defile yourself with that city bile. I've got news for you pigeon, underneath that shiny exterior you're still a dirty pigeon. A fucking pigeon in dove's clothing!
Damn imitation albino pigeon. You're eyes aren't even pink! You're fooling nobody pigeon! You will get no sympathy from me. And no I will not donate to your albino research center. That shit's probably a dump! Literally! You will not fool me twice pigeon. Keep wearing white after Labor Day pigeon. I dare you. All it does is make you an easier target.

RIP George Steinbrenner

We here at Fuck You Pigeon are about hate. It’s not Fuck You Pigeon, Go Yankees. It’s just Fuck You Pigeon. Only on occasion do we point out the lighter side of these birds, like on holidays or when we are looking for a moment of peace.
The remainder of the time we are pointing out how pigeons continue to stoop to new lows and what we can do to stop the madness.
So what gives this bird the right to attack this Yankee on the day their beloved leader died? Was this fucker an Orioles fan? Stupid birds. On a day when the pinstripes will be flying flags at half mast this little bastard has the gall to shit on the ceremony. I’m sure somebody in Yankee stadium was packing and hopefully he blew the feathers clean off that pigeon.
Either way the Steinbrenners might want to install spikes on the Boss’ tombstone.

Oh the humanity

It’s not exactly Auschwitz, but if you listen closely you can hear the goose-stepping of those foul pigeons. I feel for the poor saps buried beneath that mountain of shit. What were they thinking when they made their way into that dark alley? Did they squawk them into this dark corner? The screams when they turned on them and unloaded from deep within their birdie bowels, must have been horrifying. These branches scattered about make it seem like they could of been ambushed from a surrounding forest of trees. What kind of pigeons were these? I've never seen a pigeon in a tree. What are we up against here?
It warms my heart, though, to see that my brothers and sisters in arms shed these fiends feathers. They must of put up a ferocious fight. I can believe nothing less.
But maybe it’s the Ark of the Covenant that lies beneath that waste. Could it be that the sixth commandment is actually "though shall not murder, except for filthy pigeons?" These damn heretical birds actually think they can hide God’s true words from us? May they burn in hell!

Shoryuken

Yes you saw that picture correctly. No it is not a mistake. That is indeed Ken performing his signature move with the skill only an animated arcade character can achieve and torching poor Ryu in the process. Now maybe you ask how does this involve pigeons or more precisely disdain for pigeons.
That brings me to this true story, which I recalled after being buzzed by those feathered dirt bags twice earlier this week. Standing in a parking lot with friends, one of the filthy fiends attempted to dive bomb one of our group. He proceeded to execute a perfect Shoryuken and blasted that bird out of the sky.
At the time all I could think was, “How in the hell do you get punched if you can fly? If I could fly I would dodge bullets! Well maybe not bullets, but I sure wouldn’t get punched.” But that’s pigeons in a nutshell for you, stupid and evil.
So if you ever see a flaming pigeon on the ground, know that a shoryukenned its dumb ass.

I'm back!

Dive bombed by a pigeon, not once but twice today. Maybe my extended absence from the Fuck You Pigeon front lines has caused them to think they’ve won this little war. No! They probably figured they drove me underground to live in some sewer or the basement of a crackhouse. No pigeon! I am not like you and I never will be!
So it’s time to get back to taking the fight to them. No more being intellectual and rising above the pigeons to be the better species. That shit doesn’t work in arguments and it doesn’t work here!
These bastards are creeping outside the city limits. I see them hanging around porch stoops just being plain dirty. They are advancing on all fronts and it is time to fight back.
So I’m coming out throwing haymakers pigeons! Keep your collective guards up… or better yet don’t.

Memorial Day Tribute

It was a time when men were men and pigeons were pigeons, not the greasy balls of disease and feathers they are today. I'm talking about World War I and the pigeons who helped us win that war.
These noble American pigeons bled the Red, White, and Blue, risking life and wing to transport crucial documents as close as the front lines.
Today's pigeon couldn't carry this brave bird's bag. No today's pigeon doesn't understand what it takes to earn an honest day's seed. Instead they just lounge around amassing filth, polluting our walkways with their presence, and of course shitting where they please.
So today, as you are BBQing that chicken, think of the bird that made it all possible. We salute you carrier pigeon.

Hunting

As stated before, we here at Fuck You Pigeon do not condone violence against pigeons… except when you’re blasting those little fuckers out of the sky with your 20-guage shotgun! (valid state hunting license required, of course). Look at this little fella here; he’s earned himself a Fuck You Pigeon merit badge. Bag yourself 20 pigeons in a single trip and you’ll have yourself one as well, provided you are under the age of 18 and have a valid hunting license, of course.
Now all we need to do is have our cities classified as hunting areas and then (with a valid permit) we can blast away! You thought the NES Zapper rocked on Duck Hunt, wait until stroll off the bus and whip out your 20-guage and start laying waste to those varmints before they can lay their waste on you.
You squawking to me, pigeon? You squawking to me? Well then who the hell are you squawking to, pigeon?
I know what your thinking pigeon. Did he use all his shells, or is one left? Well seeing as this is a double barreled shotgun and will blow your feathers clean off, you’ve got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, pigeon?
The quotes you can spew out between reloading are endless… if you had a valid license in the city, because we here at Fuck You Pigeon do not condone violence against pigeons without…